Dear Sons and Daughters,
I was driving down Mulgrave Road with both my teenagers in the back of the car munching on chips and drinking slushies. They were discussing the other students at the school.
‘What about Jenna,’ said my boy
‘OMG she is such a slut,’ said my daughter.
‘She’s the sluttiest slut face ever,’ my son agreed.
There was a little more discussion along the lines of,
‘Well the whole school knows what a slut she is…..
At this point I put my foot on the brake and stopped in the middle of the busy road, all the traffic honked, glared and drove around us which I ignored. This was much more important. I turned and said,
‘What exactly makes this girl a slut?’
‘Oh well,’ said my boy, ‘she breaks the two year rule.’
‘The two year rule?’ I began driving again, much to the relief of the 3 kilometres of built up traffic behind us.
‘Yeah there’s a two year rule,’ said my daughter.
‘Tell me about the two year rule?’
‘Well,’ explained my son like I was really the most stupidest stupid person over 20 EVA! ‘The two year rule is that you can’t date anyone who is in a grade more than two years above or below your grade.’
‘You do realise,’ I said slowly so they could take it in, ‘that your father is eight years older than me. When I was 14 he was 22. That makes me - your mother - extra slutty.’
‘Oh but she doesn’t just break the two year rule. She’s also been out with three different guys this year.’
‘At the same time?’ I asked.
‘No one after the other.’
It was November.
‘So three guys in 11 months. And she’s how old?’
‘Fifteen,’ said my son, ‘she’s in between us.’
‘God I once dated three guys in the one day,’ I said, ‘What does that make me? Guys by your calculations nearly every girl in the world is a slut. Do you think that’s fair?’
Silence.
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘What about the boys that date these girls that are more than two years younger than them or who have dated three girls this year. Are they sluts too?’
Silence
‘No they’re Players.’
‘Ahh,’ I said, ‘Feminism has achieved such boundless equality for women.’
‘Are you being sarcastic?’ my son asked.